So I find myself once again wondering what I should do? How true to myself am I ? How much more can I tolerate? How long am I going to continue in the holding pattern of my life?
For anyone who doesn’t know me I had a horse riding accident some 17mths ago. I did a fair bit of damage. Broke collarbone /6 ribs/ and damage to my hip. And although bones mended my hip continues to cause me problems. It took medical Staff 15mths to take my hip issue as serious. And after begging and pleading them I got confirmation that the damage wasn’t sociological it was physical. And although surgery has been now offered they are not sure how successful it will be. They have assured me surgery will not cure pain.
So I’m left with a dilemma do I risk everything and try surgery or do I learn to live with what I have.
My injury is torn tendons and scarring and nerve damage located at and around the it band on hip area and before the accident i was suspected to have fibromyalgia.
I have tried Physio, injections, hydrotherapy, stretching and so many more.
If I limit walking and standing my pain isnt too bad. But this is easier said then done. Horseriding and recumbent cycling I have little to no pain. Apparently due to leg position.
I’m not very good at understanding the pain scale. But the pain in my Hip runs all the way to my foot and I often feel Like I want to vomit with the pain. Pain is constantly on my mind.
The doctor has prescribed pain medication and nerve medication said don’t use them too often. He said I should continue to try and walk as much as possible. As the old saying don’t use itnloose it. But I’m at the point I’ll Make excuses so I don’t have to go anyway. I use crutches to walk or hobble, crutches really dont help just make me faster unless I fully non weight bare, I would say I’ m In pain almost days. I did have a holiday and used a wheelchair occasionally and it was liberating to not be in pain.
So do I continue in a spiraling spin till I crash
Or do I accept fate and start using a chair and learn to rebuild my life as much as possible.