Venting

Johnno

What a good idea.

Illeatyu

I think I will vent first why is it that when you are in pain and try to ignore it then you go to meeting with lawyers and they treat you as though you are a liar ,if you stop work through injury and its covered by workcover you can't sue until workcover finishes so if you go back to work to live you are treated as if you have nothing wrong ! I have struggled with pain for over 2 years my marriage has almost failed I cry myself to sleep and take so many pain meds that I rattle ,I am typing this with tears in my eyes because I am so over the crap . Can some one please stop the pain I have had enough I am sick and tired of everything

Hi Mrs Shingles ,

Thanks for the hugs I did need them .
I'm pretty low at the mo so I don't know where the hell I am or what I am doing
My mediation went to shit because I have continued working In pain and end up in a screaming heap each week , I was supposed to give up work lose my house and live on the street and then get compensated .
So I am stuffed
31 years married with four sons 1 married expecting a grandchild in December

Johnno

Mrs S ,

What makes me so angry is that I am on work covers side my civil claim is also aimed at getting their money back so go figure
Earlier today I was in the space where none of us want to be I hope I have come out of it
I am just sick of hurting I asked the doctor if it could be removed as I believe this would solve all of my problems
Johnno

Johnno

Mate I feel your pain quite literally, I have major depression caused in part from the CP and from being bullied at work for a number of years. When I spoke to my shrink about taking it to WC she said no as the stress would kill me, and as I was suicidal at the time she meant that quite literally. Between the crap from WC and the crap from the lawyers and the having to stand up in court I don't think I would manage, I have a lot of respect for those of us that have the courage and strength to fight the fight.

My marriage is not doing well, and I am not sleeping, and my meds are not working well, so I get it I really do.

Just remember at the end of the day karma will get them back it's the only thing that keeps me sane the thought that some where some time that bastard will get his.

Illeatyu

Illeatyou ,

Some times I think that nobody would miss me when I'm gone
It is,so,easy to do but I try not to but I have been tempted I just wonder will it hurt or will I not feel anything and just go
It would stop the pain

Johnno

Johhno most of us have felt the same at one point in our CP journey, and I did more than just think about it, and then I was reminded of all the people that would be left behind and feeling lost and living with the pain my actions caused. So spare a thought for those you would leave behind, it is hard at the moment, in time is does get a lot easier and once you get all this WC B******t out of the way a lot of the stress and anxiety will lift.

Don

Thank you I know but you know sometimes you just want to jump drown or go away .if aliens came I would go away with them just leave all this crap behind .
I know there are people who would miss me but it,still doesn't want you willing to try to stop the pain.
Lots of other have more difficulties than me so I am going to,stop venting
Johnno

Johnno

Mate I have been there and I almost went the whole hog, it was just that my kids were home and I heard them and didn't want them to be the one's to find me.

I went to see my GP, a new one cause the old one told me to harden up and stop being a girl, the new one put me on some meds and sent me to a shrink, I was almost hospitalised I was that bad, but it gets better, I am so thankful now that I didn't.

Now I still struggle some days to get out of bed and believe me some day's really suck, but my kids notice when I am down and give me hugs and kisses, and it helps.

My marriage nearly ended because of the depression and my wife and I are slowly getting our life sorted, but I won't lie its bloody hard work, but its worth it.

One of my dear friends lost the fight and took his one life and I have seen first hand what that did to his wife and kids, and have felt what it did to me, I miss him every day and wonder what I could have done to help him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiEKP7B0W4M

That link is to a song called Why by rascal flats, it sums up how I felt when he died.

I don't know of anyone who is so despised that no one would miss them when they are gone, hell id miss you for a start, if you want to talk let me know and ill give you my contact details, I also have numbers for help lines that have trained counsellors that can help you get things back on track.

And please don't stop venting, it lets the rest of us know that we are not the only one's who have bad day's.

Illeatyu

When I first joined this forum a couple of years ago, I was in the same dark place, and by talking about how I felt and what was going on to members here made that struggle a lot easier, no one should feel alone with these feelings, I can guarantee you just about every one has struggled at one point or another with the big dark pit you now find yourself in.
There are help lines you can call when you are not coping, they are there to help you so don't be afraid of picking up the phone, they don't judge you or put you down, they listen and give you helpful advice. Keep the communication channels open and what ever you do don't bottle it all up in side, if you want to vent then vent, getting it of your chest lifts the dark cloud a little and you will always get support from this site.

Don

Hi Johnno,

I feel your pain, like most of us - I have been there as well. When you are at your worst it is easy to think that nobody will miss you, but believe me we can be a little short sighted in our darkest period.
People can be caught up in their own day to day existence, and their own very real problems, to the point that you may feel isolated from them, and being physically isolated yourself sure doesn't help. But you are a very important part of of your circle of friends and acquaintances, and indeed this group.
It is hard go through what you are enduring, and without Don's advice on "Venting" I think would have gone crazy - PLEASE VENT !
I didn't have to struggle with WC, I had to deal with the military system, and the department of Veterans Affairs, and believe me they are a "Law unto Themselves", they leave you way out in the cold, and I believe it is their aim to send you over the "Edge", as happened to several of my mates. Every time I phoned them, I was met by a voice that said - "What name your doctor are? How yo spel that? Velly good will get back to you". I felt I was still in the bush, and it nearly pushed me over.

If they can get you to the point where you take yourself out, it is a win for them. So I decided not to give in and eventually got some of the help I needed. Don't let the buggers win mate.
As has already been suggested, speak to you doctor about this, pain can certainly screw with your brain, and the chemistry gets out of sync, a short course of meds will probably help there as well.
My thoughts are with you Johnno, you are a precious individual, maybe a little further down the track, all of the us should get together for a reunion, and look back on this period of our lives.

All the Best

Gordon

Hi all thank you for caring I find it easier to talk to you guys on line than load my burden on my wife I suppose I should but I was on my own on Wednesday and I suppose it hit me all of a sudden and I just went down , I called my psychologist in tears and made a fool of myself on her message bank .
I went to acupuncture and bawled my eyes out to Henri he basically is a great doctor as well as acupuncturist and he is very caring he told me to try not to hide my pain which most men try to and some can successfully do it .
He told me to send a message to my solicitor from the heart so they know where the hell I am .
Well I have and am waiting for a reply so will keep all posted
I do appreciate all of you and am glad to be to blather on and know that there is someone who I can share the load with
There is a saying I think a problem shared is a problem halved in our case thank to all it become almost invisible

Hi Johno, I am sure your psychologist wont think you made a fool of yourself, I think it great that you are able to release yourself as you have, it is far better than bottling it up, and toughing it out. Iin fact I am quiet envious, I wish that I could just let it out, but I fear that if I did I would never be able to stop, so much for military training.

However this group has been the best thing that has ever happened to me, for the first time in my life, I no longer feel alone, and you now have a group of caring people that have actually experienced what you are going through, and when they speak it is with understanding, and genuine heartfelt feeling for you.

Whenever you feel it is getting on top of you, get on to this forum and let us all know about it. As you say "a problem shared is halved, or better".

All the Best my friend, and keep in touch

Retread

Retread
I also am ex military and we had it instilled in us at medical take two panadols and get back to work.
I have passed that on to my sons who still don't chuck a sickie
Honestly the military was good in that we have respect for our bosses and do the best we can for them but we have to learn to put our hand up and say help I hurt
Johnno