I got a muscle overuse injury, and then got butchered by workcover and have full blow fibro
I am struggling to keep myself alive, I only have my daughter to live for and fear my pain will eventually lead me to the dark side and resent her.
I have no capacity to work, i am destroyed as a human, i have no joy to give, my wife is broken from it and leaving me, i struggle to fill the day without capacity to maintain any hobbies, I am a carcass waiting to die, and what a slow and painful death it is.
i have exhausted all medical paths i can find to no avail, I am not depressed, my shrink has no answers, my doctors have none, the only depressing part is not being able to end this, I cant bring that pain to my family.
I understand completely where you are at the moment, as will many people here. Most of us will have felt exactly as you do right now at some point. Unfortunately there is no magic bullet to "cure" chronic pain, whether it is fibro or anything else. Chronic pain alters the nervous system and at the present time, medical science does not have an answer. All we can do is manage. I know you won't believe me, but you can actually have a good quality life as well as the pain.
I have a friend who had very bad fibro and she has managed to reduce its effect on her life remarkably over the last few years. It did take some hard work but the rewards were worth it.
I am not a doctor, but I do not agree with your doctor's diagnosis that you are not depressed. Everything you are saying is indicating that there is a very strong possibility that you are depressed. Depression is very common among chronic pain patients, for obvious reasons. Have you had a chat with your GP about how you are feeling? I think it is really important that you do.
Have a look at the "Helpful Links" thread on this forum. There is a lot of information in there that may be of help to you. A Rheumatologist who treats a lot of patients with Fibro would quite possibly be able to assist you and the other thing would be to get your name down at a multidisciplinary pain clinic. These clinics are usually located in the larger public hospitals in capital cities. There are some private ones around too. It all depends where you live really. Some states have been setting aside funds for chronic pain management.
If you tell me where you are I may be able to help you find something. If you don't want to put it here, PM me.
If you feel that you need help right now, please don't hesitate to call Lifeline on 13 114 and just have a talk with someone.
Let us know how you are doing. There really is a way through this.
Not every day is a good day, but there is good in every day.
"“It’s delightful when your imaginations come true, isn’t it?” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
Mate, I am here to tell you that you can suffer this rotten condition for a very long time and still function, even if only partially compared to what you are use to.
And I absolutely know what you are talking about, when you say you are just a shell waiting around to die. When I had to give up work and go on a disability pension, I lost all sense of worth. I felt like I was just dead weight on this planet and should not be here. It took some time to grieve, but I did get through it. Was I depressed? Damned right I was!
But I got over it and moved on. You will too!
You are going through the worst time in your life and you need to overcome this and get yourself back to being healthy mentally and also being able to some form of work, even if it is just one of your hobbies, for just an hour or so each day.
I suffered my first spinal injuries at the age of just 3 and started suffering the symptoms of fibromyalgia a few years later. It only got worse as I got older. Then in 1985 I got hit in the rear end by a fully loaded metro bus that had no brakes and I was stationary. More damage to my spine and neck, causing huge amounts of pain. Of course the fibro really took off then.
I only ended up on a disability pension in 2001, but have improved a little since then. Being part of CPA has helped me out immensely. Being able to help run this forum is also helpful.
Believe me when I say I know how debilitating this condition is, but the worst thing about it is you look so good and healthy on the outside, and you end up being judged as a malingerer, attention seeker and drug addict.
You are nothing of the sort and Mate, you have a huge amount to live for. That daughter of yours, is worth much more than the condition that plagues you. So for her sake, don't you let it destroy your relationship with this most valuable daughter of yours!
You say you've been told that you are not depressed. Well, I agree with Mary. From what you have said, you certainly sound like a candidate to me, only cos I know I've been there and so has Mary. In fact, pretty much all of us on this site have been there and the one thing you find when you suffer depression you always seem to be able to spot someone else who is either the same as you, or they aren't far away from being like you.
Depression comes and goes, and we have to be prepared to deal with it, when it turns up. So get to your GP ASAP!
Let them know your situation and that your state of mind is not good. Don't fudge your details. Be open, honest and tell them the full story, including your marriage problems.
I am really sorry to hear your wife is leaving you. You are going to need a great deal of support if she does go. Do you have any family you can call on for assistance, because you really shouldn't be alone while you are feeling so down?
Mate, I can tell you that if you get the right kind of help, you will be able to live with this cursed condition. I do take medication, but not much of it. I suffer lots of pain each day, but I have trained my brain to accept it, without stressing me out and making me more ill.
One way of doing that is through distraction.
That means, get yourself involved in some positive activity. I joined the local Men's Shed and ended up on the committee. I don't spend a lot of time there, but it sure helps me a lot. I help out at my Church too, which also helps me. If you volunteer for some things that you are able to do, you will find you will start to cope with the pain levels.
But you need to be able to do these things to start with.
Get yourself to a multidisciplinary pain clinic ASAP, because they will educate you and teach you how to self manage your pain condition, which will include some medication, working with a clinical psych, plus a physio therapist. My life turned around once I got to one of these pain clinics. Best thing I ever did.
They put me on a different drug that I had never tried and this drug (Lyrica) has freed my spine up from most of its pain, but the drug does nothing for my fibro symptoms. Lyrica may work for you if you haven't tried it. If you have, then there are others.
Please give yourself a break and don't be too hard on yourself. I do wish that things can be worked out for you regarding your family issues, because it would be a shame to see it all end at a time when you might actually be able to pull yourself up out of this chasm you currently feel you are stuck in.
Believe me, it is not as bleak as you see it now. There is some light there, you just have to start fighting for it. Don't let the pain frighten you off, because you are not going to hurt yourself. Re-engage in your life, take control over your body and your brain, and YOU dictate the terms of how your pain will impinge on your life. Don't let the pain dictate to you.
You will be surprised just how much pain you can live with, once you have been taught the skills of self-management. The most important one for you to learn RIGHT NOW, is that of ACCEPTANCE!
You don't have to give in to it, just accept that this is your lot and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Once you take some of the heat off of yourself, you will find things will start to take a turn for the better.
Trust me, I know what I'm talking about!
Remember it is all about pacing your activities and taking baby steps, but make sure you take these steps, even if you feel bad. Just make the steps small and manageable. Then rest. After you rest, get up and do it again. This you can do with any activity.
Once you feel you have been able to achieve this, then lengthen the time you work at the activity, before you rest. it will get better, but you have to work at it.
So just to remind you. Go to your GP ASAP and discuss the possibility of depression and tell him exactly how you are feeling.
If your psych is saying you are A okay, then ditch them and go find another one! I cannot say if you are depressed, because I am not a doctor. But you are certainly talking like you are, which makes me give you this warning to go see your GP.
I sincerely hope we have been of some help to you.
Brother, just remember you now have a family here who cares about you. So just remember you can front up here any time and let us know how things are going. Eventually someone will answer you. It just might not be during the night.
Take care of yourself and love your daughter. Never resent her for something she has absolutely no control over. She is an innocent person, but will suffer terribly if you are not around. You must get yourself into a better frame of mind for your own sake first, but also for hers too.
Please get back to us and let us know how you are getting on.
I wish the ring (this Chronic Pain) had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened. (Frodo Baggins)
So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide, is what to do with the time that is given to us. (Gandalf the Grey)
thanks both for your replies, Its very aggravating to type so i simply cant answer you in full.
I am about the most resilient person you will ever meet, I am saying I dont have depression and its not a stigma thing, I suffer oppression at the hands of a fraudulent and corrupt government and despair maybe at the exhaustion of treatment paths and their inefficacy, I can live with the pain, it is the dysfunction that has destroyed me.
Ive done multi pm course, ive done chinese medicine, accupuncture backfired, cranial accupuncture no effect, hydrotherapy no good, zip with hypnosis, i have no meds, all have failed, Lyrica did its work on a bad pain cycle in the shoulders and that was it, i went to 300mg a day with no other gain...6months of it was a waste of time, 2 weeks was all I needed of it, all other meds have been inneffective. GP understands, she looks more traumatized every time i see her, its like she is watching a slow mo train crash. I went to the Psych. on monday (have been with her before so she knew the background), and after an hour of talking she had no answers, if i talked to a wall i would at least get an echo. Seperation is compounding the pain for sure, but it is not the cause.
Hi wheresmycupofsomething, you sound just like I did last year... I also suffer if I type too much, But I can setup a Teamspeak Server and share a cup of coffee with you if you would like? swap some stories maybe even have a laugh?